检查下是否有语法错误Microsoft’s operating systems and software In the changeand influence the defining of our life.And pulled close distance of the world.Let computer walked into people’s livesHewill donate oneself 98% of heritage.the m

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检查下是否有语法错误Microsoft’s operating systems and software In the changeand influence the defining of our life.And pulled close distance of the world.Let computer walked into people’s livesHewill donate oneself 98% of heritage.the m

检查下是否有语法错误Microsoft’s operating systems and software In the changeand influence the defining of our life.And pulled close distance of the world.Let computer walked into people’s livesHewill donate oneself 98% of heritage.the m
检查下是否有语法错误
Microsoft’s operating systems and software In the changeand influence the defining of our life.And pulled close distance of the world.Let computer walked into people’s lives
Hewill donate oneself 98% of heritage.the money for research of AIDS and malaria vaccines Poor countries toprovide assistance for the world
这两段话是否有语法错误

检查下是否有语法错误Microsoft’s operating systems and software In the changeand influence the defining of our life.And pulled close distance of the world.Let computer walked into people’s livesHewill donate oneself 98% of heritage.the m
语法凑合,但大量语义冗余...随便举几个例子
our mission is就可以了,statement没必要加
afte classes life应该是 after-class life,这里的"-"不能省略,这不是标点问题,是个语法问题,具体为什么不展开了.另外“课余生活”这整一个term就是中国特色的,老外没有这种说法.
first goal(第一个目的)有点奇怪,primary goal(首要目的)比较好,但意思各有不同,你自己体会下,再选择吧.
profit就是利润,所以很明显就会earn back our cost.这里逻辑上重复了.另外,学生组织一般都应该是non-profit的,所以追求利润是第一个目的显得有些难理解.一般财务上说收支平衡的用词是break even
some new sponsors,一样的问题,some没必要加.who want to put xxxx这个也没有必要,因为sponsor明显是要做广告的.如果你要用who从句,可以从(学生中的)品牌影响力,曝光度,知名度这边着手.推荐的词汇有expand/increase brand impact/visibility/exposure
总的来说,主要的问题是逻辑上的,后面的几条都不能算是goal,只能算是strategy.
如果更高一点要求,用词都显得太不正式了,口吻上太随意了.比如商业上的正式文书一般不说buy,而用purchase.

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