各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an s

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各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an s

各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an s
各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!
I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an significant cause of inceasing crime rate.
Certainly,violence on screen does have influence on individuals,especially on children,who are easier to simulate violent behaviours when the violence exposed to them .as a result,they may place what they have learnt on their peers ,which probably leads to conflicts and even crimes.
However,the fact is ,most films are labelled to inform the audiences of the likelihood of violence contents.When they are showed in the cinema,children are usually not admitted into the screening room.As for violence programmes on TV,we can simply postpone them late in the evening ,when children have already slept.

各位大侠帮我改下雅思作文吧!I do not fully agree with the statement that the amount of violence in films and on TV should be controlled by government in order to decrease the violence crimes,in other words,violence in these medium is an s
写的还行啊,多用点linking word吧,感觉用的有点少,缺少logical的感觉

可以把中文写上吗?

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