求短的英语短文和笑话（带汉语）

求短的英语短文和笑话（带汉语）
求短的英语短文和笑话（带汉语）

求短的英语短文和笑话（带汉语）
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.
　　Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.
　　乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克,会不会玩纸牌.
　　陛下,图克回答说：在玩纸牌方面,我只不过是幼儿园的水平.我甚至分不清国王和无赖.
　　1.A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
　　圣诞节后的某一天,妈妈一边在厨房里干活,一边还不时关注着在客厅里玩电动火车的儿子.她听到电动火车停下来的声音,然后就听见儿子说：“所有他妈的想下车的,都给我赶快下车,因为这已经是最后一站了!还有所有的他妈的要上车的,都给我赶快坐上来,因为马上就发动了!”
　　2.The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
　　听到儿子这样说话,妈妈都快疯了,她告诉她的儿子,“我们可不能这么说话!我要你现在就给我回房去,待在里面好好反思,两小时后再出来!等你出来之后,你可以继续玩你的小火车,但我希望你能使用一些文明的词语.”
　　3.Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
　　两小时后,儿子走出房间,从新玩起了电动小火车.没过多久,小火车又停了下来,这一会妈妈听到儿子说,“所有要下车的乘客请带好随身物品准备下车.非常感谢您乘坐本次列车,衷心希望您旅途愉快,并欢迎您下次继续乘坐.刚刚上车的乘客,请您将随身行李放到座位的下面.同时,请注意本列车为无烟列车,车上不能吸烟.我们衷心地祝愿您旅途愉快,并拥有美好的一天.”
　　4.As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
　　听到儿子这么说,妈妈感到非常欣慰,只听孩子接着又说,“至于那些抱怨火车了延误两小时的人,拜托你们要找就去找厨房里的那个贱人说理去!”
　　Let me take it down
　　An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
　　"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
　　为我所用
　　一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西.”
　　“请再说一遍,让我把它记下来.”老鼠说.“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
　　Two birls
　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
　　Teacher: Please tell us.
　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
　　两只鸟
　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
　　学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
　　老师：请说说看.
　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.
　　The Fish Net
　　"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
　　"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
　　鱼网
　　"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道.
　　"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了." 小女孩回答道.
　　The New Teacher
　　George comes from school on the first of September.
　　"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
　　"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too."
　　新老师
　　9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里.
　　"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问.
　　"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6."
　　A physics Examination
　　Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
　　The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
　　Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
　　一次物理考试
　　在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题.
　　这个问题是：为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?
　　尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后.